Fans of the British television show "Red
Dwarf" will be happy to know that Chris Barrie (aka Rimmer) will be
reprising his role as Lara Croft's butler, Hillary.
There have been several attempts by Hollywood to cash-in on the
successful franchises of the videogame world. After all, the
videogame industry has recently started to make more money than the
movie industry, and has come up with some very interesting characters.
Sure, Mario Brothers wasn't as big of a hit as everyone (on
crack) expected it would be. Neither was Raoul Julia's final film,
Street Fighter -- his pairing with Jean Claude Van Damme and
one of the most successful fighting games was a lock for summer
blockbuster, but someone found a way to pick that lock. Wing
Commander, based on the game based on Star Wars, didn't turn
out to be as much fun as playing the game.
Mortal Kombat was fairly successful, and it spawned a sequel
as well as a television show. Resident Evil was
somewhat like the game, but featured Milla Jovovich, and that's a good
thing. Other games have yet to be tapped for movie
greatness, such as Tetris: the Movie, Pac-Man, and
Windows Solitaire: A Complete Waste of Time.
And then there's Lara Croft, the bodacious heroine of the "Tomb
Raider" games by Core Design and distributed by Eidos Interactive.
One might think that the Masked Reviewer is trying to plug the game in
exchange for free stuff, but sadly, it's not the case. Instead,
the Masked Reviewer is trying to fill space, because there's not much to
be said about the second Tomb Raider movie.
The Masked Reviewer saw the first Tomb Raider. It was
one of the most forgettable films the Masked Reviewer has seen.
There was something to do with giant statues and a scene with Lara Croft
in her mansion bouncing around on bungee cords. That's all the
Masked Reviewer remembers. Apparently Jon Voight (Angelina Jolie's
real life father) played Angelina Jolie's father, but it has all been
The Masked Reviewer has played a few of the Tomb Raider games, and
they were fun to play. Both films, however, were less interesting
than the games.
The main draw of the film was the secret hope that at some point,
Lara Croft would have to take a shower, or maybe try on the "bra of
enlightenment", or be stripped down for a whipping by an evil bad guy.
Sadly, it never happened in either film. Some may think that this
piece of information violates the Masked Reviewer's strict edict to
never give away important points about the film, but, if you're laying
out ten bucks to see Angelina's "Jolies"...you'll be sadly disappointed.
Her nipples are rather prominent in the first few scenes, but even
they get bored and go away after about twenty minutes into the film.
Anglina Jolie isn't bad in the movie. She's attractive and handles
the action scenes aptly. But nothing in the film is able to stir
any genuine interest. The evil plot she's trying to stop, the
horrible bad guy, the love interest...everything is very strangely bland
and not exciting.
It is very similar to the first Tomb Raider in terms of
forgetability. For example, the bad-boy love interest that is
introduced has a history with Lara Croft. The Masked Reviewer
wasn't sure if he was a character in the first movie or from the video
games. Other characters were brought back from the first movie,
but they were forgotten once and will be forgotten again.
It's strange, because it seems like the film should be much more
interesting than it is, even without any nudity. Archaeology, as
we all know from Indiana Jones, is the most exciting job in the world.
There were beautiful locations, actions scenes galore, and physically
attractive lead characters. But, nothing new. It felt like a
B-movie, but the Masked Reviewer can tell you a lot more about many B
movies than he can about either Tomb Raider. It's almost as
if there were subliminal messages at the end credits commanding the
audience to forget what happened in the film.
There were some fight scenes. Seen it all before. There
were computer generated creatures, that looked like every other computer
generated creatures. Sadly, the most interesting thing about the
film were the end credits, which featured a bit of color. Even
those weren't particularly memorable.
If you loved Tomb Raider, you may feel the same way
about Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life. Be warned, however,
that the cradle referred to in the title is the same cradle that will
likely lull you to sleep during the film. Sure, it's an action
film with a strong female character. That's nice to see. But
if something interesting had happened, maybe it'd be memorable.
If you're just looking for a fun action movie that's sexy, keep
Hopefully, at least, this will spawn a series of porno films called
Expectation from the Title: Something much more interesting
Mother's Rule (Always Say Something Good About Everything):
Angelina Jolie presents a positive (albeit boring) role-model for young
girls. At least, the Lara Croft character is a positive
role-model...Angelina was a bit too much into freaky sex with Billy Bob
The Pros: Some nice cinematography, and Angelina Jolie looks
good, even fully clothed.
The Cons: Forgettable. Nothing memorable. Dull.