First of all, this isn't a review.
you're not allowed to post reviews before the movie is released, or the
studio gets mad. So, this isn't a review. No plot will be
discussed. All that will be discussed is the opinions of the
Masked Reviewer, without giving any specific details. This is just
Did you see the Star Wars trilogy? Did you like it?
The Masked Reviewer was a kid when those movies came out, and, like
every kid from that time period, Star Wars was THE movie
phenomenon. Kids would brag about how many times they'd seen each
of the original trilogy. Fifty, sixty, two hundred times.
You could see Star Wars and Empire and Jedi over
and over again, and they never get tiring. They only increase in
their awesomeness. In the 70's, they didn't have crack...they only
had Star Wars, and it was much better. It was pure.
It flowed through you.
Then, there were the action figures. Some people had the
coveted Millennium Falcon. Others had the whole Death Star action
set with the garbage compactor and trash monster. If you have any
of those original figures, still in the box, never opened, they're worth
hundreds of dollars. But you know what? No one does.
Why? Because they were TOO AWESOME not to play with.
They still are.
Anyway, years passed and then the second trilogy begins (which takes
place before the first trilogy, just to make it more confusing).
And after years of waiting and fond memories and Special Edition
re-releases, we are treated to...Jar Jar Binks. And the Star
Wars fans are broken into two factions: the Loyalists and the
Separatists. Some people love all things Star Wars, whether
good or bad. Others feel betrayed by George Lucas for messing with
the fondest of all movie memories. But, let's be honest...even
though Star Wars was amazing and Empire Strikes Back was,
for many people, a much better film than the first, there were plenty of
people who weren't too thrilled with Return of the Jedi. It
was turning into a kids' movie, and the kids who loved Star Wars
were already jaded teenagers by the time Jedi came out. It
must've been the Ewoks. Damn them. They started to pull the
Star Wars comunity apart. Teddy bears in space just aren't
The Phantom Menace furthered the schism, with the
questionable acting by the young Anakin Skywalker and, of course,
Jar-Jar. Also, other than the one supremely awesome lightsaber
fight with Darth Maul, it was a movie that was hard to defend as being
great. Then Attack of the Clones came around and it didn't
do much to patch up the differences between the Separatists and the
Loyalists...it didn't have as much "kid stuff" as Phantom Menace,
but something was missing -- for many fans. The battle on Hoth was
great, even though it used stop motion animation. Watching a
million CGI robots fight another million CGI Stormtroopers just didn't
feel the same. Computer graphics were better, but still not
perfect. The "money shot" for Attack of the Clones was, of
course, getting to see Yoda get his Jedi groove on. The little
sucker can move. That shot alone was worth a 20 year wait for many
of us. But still...it wasn't much.
Now, the final piece of the Star Wars puzzle snaps into place.
For fans, you already know what's going to happen. The plot is
inconsequential, because you know what happens if you've seen the
original Star Wars trilogy. The "big spoilers" are ALL
already known...but to get to Star Wars, some pretty bleak stuff
has to happen. Many people thought George Lucas with his
propensity for "kid's stuff" would "puss out" somehow.
Well, Star Wars fans...the Separatists and the Loyalists will
finally get to re-unite. Much like Anakin at the end of Jedi,
George Lucas has redeemed himself with Revenge of the Clones.
The Masked Reviewer admits it: he was a separatist. The last two
movies in the series didn't inspire much. The Masked Reviewer
began to think that Star Wars was a nostalgic experience that
only worked for people of certain ages (and, you know, nerds in
general). Perhaps that magic only worked on kids. Maybe you
could out grow it. If so, prepare to be a kid again.
If you hated all the other Star Wars movies, then don't
bother. You won't like this one. BUT, if you liked the
original trilogy and have been let down by the last two, it's time to
get excited again. They've really captured the feel and the fun of
the original trilogy in Revenge of the Sith. It's closest
in tone to Empire Strikes Back. There isn't any cutesy
stuff. For those of you who worried you might visit the Wookie
homeworld and see a recreation of the 1978 "Star Wars Holiday Special"
where Chewie has to reunite with his family (who all speak perfect
English), fear not!
"Dad! You made it home for Life Day!"
"Yes, I'm glad to see you too!"
"No, I think R2 drank all the egg nogg. Oh, R2!"
Yeah. Revenge of the Sith is nothing like that.
It's hard core. There's killing. There's dying. Pieces
of people fly off. They couldn't even get the PG rating...it's
PG-13. That may not sound like much, but believe the Masked
Reviewer...it's a good thing.
Sure, there's a little bit of hokiness. Palpatine goes over the
top...WAY over the top in this one. People laugh...but it's okay.
It's fun. It's great fun. The whole movie will infuse fans
with that great Star Wars feeling that they probably haven't felt
in the same way even if they did enjoy the last two films. This
one rocks hard.
They even managed to do a little sci-fi version of Cirque du Soleil
in the background of one scene.
Biggest gripes? There was one cheeseball scene with a Tarzan
noise and the music didn't break any new ground -- it was like a "best
of" from the other movies, but it didn't take it to a new level.
But those are minor quips. Revenge of the Sith will make
lovers of Star Wars very happy, indeed. Unless, of course,
the only thing you like about Star Wars is the cutesy stuff.
After Revenge of the Sith, you'll want to run out and watch the
original trilogy again. It's heavy-duty nostalgia-inspiring.
It's too bad that George Lucas isn't going to go back and do another
trilogy that takes place after Return of the Jedi, like he
originally planned. It is interesting (to some) that Return of
the Jedi was originally going to be called Revenge of the Jedi,
but that was deemed too violent in 1983. Times have changed.
The beauty of Revenge of the Sith is that it really does an
excellent job of tying up the loose ends. It brings the circle to
a close, wit ha lot of imagery from later films. Oh, the fans will
love this one.
Like good sci-fi, it will spark discussion (amongst geeks, primarily)
about the nature of good and evil; what does the Dark Side represent?
Who is to blame for the creation of Darth Vader? Are the Jedi all
they're cracked up to be? Are there parallels to our current
political situations in the world? There's some interesting stuff
there, if you want to dig. You nerd.
Want to know if there were any big cameos? Too bad. The
Masked Reviewer doesn't give spoilers.
If you've never seen a Star Wars movie, it's hard to know what
to recommend. It's kind of cool to imagine a group of kids who see
the second trilogy first, then the original trilogy, but Star Wars
does look dated in many ways. To the old schoolers, though, the
original series couldn't be touched. The old schoolers may have to
Expectation from the Title: It can only be about one thing,
and that thing will involve lightsabers.
Mother's Rule (Always Say Something Good About Everything):
That Emperor fellow seems like he's been misunderstood.
The Pros: Sweet nostalgia is back, no wasted moments, good
action, fun. Redemption!
The Cons: Music was so-so. A little bit of over-the-top
cheesiness, but nothing too bad. Biggest con: no more Star Wars.
Revenge of the Sith: Han Solo cameo,
Jar-Jar killed, Padme has triplets, and...psyche! Just kidding. No