What happens when you mix the director of
Traffic with the director of Titanic and throw in the star
of Ocean's Eleven?
Have you ever gone to the dentist to have a procedure done? You
sit in the chair, you put on the bib, they stick that suction thing in
your mouth, and then they get to drillin'. It hurts a bit, but you
sit there, because you figure that the worst is probably over. But
they keep drilling. It still hurts. So you sit longer,
trying not to squirm, staring at the clock on the wall. "It's got
to get better soon," you think to yourself. "They must be almost
done by now." But they keep drilling and drilling.
Solaris, mercifully, isn't as long as Traffic or
Titanic. But, it is agony to sit through. It's a remake
of the highly acclaimed Russian film, but who cares? It's
torture to sit through. Some people would find Solaris
impossible to enjoy simply because it's sci-fi. The Masked
Reviewer has enjoyed many sci-fi films, but this isn't one of them.
It's reminiscent of 2001: A Space Odyssey as well as a few other
sci-fi classics. The only difference being that there's not much
The entire plot and point of the movie could be summarized in a
paragraph. This would've been a fine short story. But there
wasn't enough happening to make this worth a feature length film.
The pacing of the film is s-l-o-w. Imagine the slowest moving film
you've ever seen, then imagine if they re-shot it in slow-motion.
Take that film, watch it six times, and you'll have a feeling of the
pace of Solaris.
The slow pace gets off to a turtle's start right at the beginning.
It is, at least, consistent in its slow pacing. They don't ruin
the agonizing slowness with any bursts of activity or interest.
No, it's rock steady all the way through. Imagine grass growing.
DVD Extra Features: Commentary by James Cameron and Steven
Soderburgh, trailers, advertisements, and the final draft of the script.
Expectation from the Title: Something bright and lively, not
dank and dysmal.
Mother's Rule (Always Say Something Good About Everything):
As long as you've got the oven on to kill yourself after this one, why
not make some muffins?
The Pros: Clooney is Cloonerific.
The Cons: It isn't a good movie, despite what people say.