Cradle 2 Grave


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Cradle 2 the Grave
The Masked Reviewer

You may be wondering why they call it "Cradle 2 the Grave".  The answer is because the first half rocks you to sleep like a baby in a cradle; the second half sucks so intensely that you'll dig your own grave and beg for sweet death to make the movie stop.  I'm not sure what the 2 stands for.  Maybe if they spawn two more sequels, they can call the third part of the trilogy "Cradle 3 the Grave".  But, something tells me there won't be two more sequels.

This movie is from director Andrzej Barkowiak, who also directed Romeo Must Die and Exit Wounds.  If you enjoyed both of those movies, you might enjoy Cradle 2 the Grave.  It's not as good as Romeo and not as bad as Wounds.  If you hated either of those, Cradle won't rock you.  If you're not a die hard "must see everything he does" fan of Jet Li, or DMX, or Anthony Anderson, or Tom Arnold...then seeing this would be a Grave mistake.  Get it?  Well, that's more entertainment than you're likely to get out of Cradle 2 the Grave.

The action scenes are uninspired and not exciting.  Barkowiak (living proof that people with more than three syllables in their name shouldn't direct) shoots the fights mostly in close-up with quick, confusing cuts.   Jet Li is not featured very prominently in the film either -- it's mostly about DMX.  None of the main characters are well developed, especially Jet Li's.  The Masked Reviewer was more interested in why DMX's parents decided to name him after a dirt bike than anything going on with his on-screen persona. 

There were a couple of decent moments in the film, a few laughs, a couple of "Ouch!  That must've hurt!" shots.  The movie also features Tom Arnold.  That information may be enough for some people, one way or another.

Should've gone Straight 2 Video.


Expectation from the Title: A movie about a dead baby.  That would've been easier to watch.

Mother's Rule (Always Say Something Nice): DMX is a snappy dresser.

The Pros: Anthony Anderson is in it and he's usually fun to watch.  It could have been worse.  Jet Li is still the best of his brothers, Ug Li (he didn't have the looks for Hollywood), Dainti Li (not butch enough for martial arts films), and Cur Li (nyuck nyuck).

 The Cons: Some paper cutout characters, others with no character whatsoever.  A thin plot, but who cares?  The important con is that the fight scenes weren't great and had no memorable moments. There was a moment where it looked like there might be nudity, but there isn't. 

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