Blade: Trinity


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"Blade wasn't interesting at all, the story was all hack and no slash..."










Blade: Trinity
The Masked Reviewer

What could be better than killing vampires?  Why, vampires killing vampires, of course!  Wesley Snipes returns as Blade, the titular self-loathing, blood-drinking, night-stalking hero.

Okay, so he doesn't drink blood (he uses artificial substitutes, sort of like Splenda).  He's also not limited to stalking only at night (other vampires burst into flames if they get too much sun).  But, Blade sure does hate vampires.  He hates them to pieces.  He has issues.

If you've seen the first two Blade movies, you'll know what issues he has.  Blade: Trinity doesn't waste time re-capping his origins, though, so if you want to know how he came to be, you'll have to check out the first two movies.  Hey, if all he did was tell people how he became a vampire hunter, he wouldn't have any time left to hunt vampires, now would he? 

Blade is joined by Whistler, played by Kris Kristofferson.  Strangely, he never actually whistles.  Even more strangely, the Masked Reviewer's great-grandfather was called Masked Maskedofferson, before they changed it at Ellis Island (which was originally called Isle Islofferson). 

Also helping Blade in his quest to rid the world of vampires is a team of humans called the Nighstalkers.  They are led by Abigail (Jessica Biel) and Ryan Reynolds.

Jessica Biel (not to be confused with Jennifer Beals (of Flashdance fame) or Jessica Alba (of Honey fame) or Amanda Bearse (of Married with Children fame) or Irene Cara (of Fame fame)) plays a butt-kicking tough gal.  Her prior theatrical experience (on the WB's "Seventh Heaven") wasn't very helpful.  Her talent doesn't exactly burn up the fact, it'd be hard to pop a kernel of corn with it.  She's not bad, but just rather...bland.  If this was Bland: Trinity, she'd be perfect.  But it isn't, and she's not.

Part of the problem is bad writing (which the Masked Reviewer will get to in a moment).  Another part of the problem is that she seems to be there for sex appeal, but doesn't come off as particularly sexy.  The third part of the triumvirate of problems is that she's not good at her action sequences.  To the credit of the fight choreographer and the director, they were able to effectively shoot around her, but if you look closely at her movements, she's very awkward and stilted in her movements.

Ryan Reynolds (who you probably don't remember from Van Wilder, since no one saw it, but you might remember as the son from the new In-Laws or one of the guys in "Two Guys and a Pizza Shop", but make sure you don't confuse him with Jason Lee, who appears in Kevin Smith movies such as Mallrats) plays another butt-kicker.  Unlike Jessica Biel (or Jennifer Beals, for that matter), he is well suited for the part.  He's good at the martial arts sequences, and he's cut.  He spent some time in the gym.  He's no Masked Reviewer, mind you, but he looked impressive, even though he wasn't the main hero of the story. 

Ryan Reynolds also provided almost all of the comic relief.  It was in the form of the fast-talking smart ass; his performance was much better than the lines he was delivering, which were pretty much the same note over and over again.

Other members of the supporting cast include A Mighty Wind alumni Parker Posey and  John Michael Higgins, as well as Patton Oswalt, Natasha Lyonne, Triple H, and Eric Bogosian.  Weird.

The odd thing is that the star of the film (Wesley Snipes) seems to have one of the least interesting roles.  After three movies in this series, the viewer might expect that the character would grow or change or in some way become at least marginally interesting.  Unfortunately, Blade is little more than a plot device.  Sure, he handles most of the butt-whooping.  But he has very few lines, and he has only one emotion.  As a result, he fades almost entirely into the background.  At least Wesley Snipes is good at the action...his fight scenes are the action highlight of the film.

Blade Trinity was written and directed by David Goyer, who wrote the other two Blades as well.  He's also written a movie based on the Nick Fury character, the upcoming Batman movie, and he is an executive producer on Ghost Rider also, so you know he knows his comic books (that is, assuming you know that Ghost Rider and Nick Fury are from the comics).  The feel of the film is identical to the first two in the trilogy.  The writing isn't quite as clever or interesting -- David Goyer has gone to the most obvious choice for a movie about vampires, and he did it in the least interesting way.  The main bad guy starts out as super powerful, but whenever he runs into Blade, they seem to be evenly matched.  The main bad guy runs away, too.  That's hardly befitting of a main bad guy.  The humor isn't very deep, it's basically bad language and sight gags, and there are lots of strings in the story that aren't tied up.  It feels like a script that was banged out in a weekend.

In fact, the movie feels like it takes longer to watch than it did to be written.  It would've been much better at about 90 minutes, but at around two hours, it isn't able to keep a brisk pace. 

The effects are good, although they seem exactly the same as the last Blade.  Vampires burning up when killed.  If you can't get enough of that, then Trinity will bring you closer to crossing the line of having enough of that.


Expectation from the Title: When the Home Shopping Network did a late night special on a three-piece cutlery set featuring the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, one young boy discovered the true meaning of Christmas (and nearly cut his finger off in the process).

Mother's Rule (Always Say Something Good About Everything):  It's nice to see a group of young people pulling together to stand up against mean old vampires.

The Pros: Decent fight scenes, a few funny lines by Ryan Reynolds, a few cool vampire-slaying gadgets.

The Cons:  Too long, too repetitive.  Blade wasn't interesting at all, the story was all hack and no slash, not enough interesting happening.  Barely marginal.

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